Osaka - A Little Bit About a Lot of Things A Little Bit About a Lot of Things

November 3, 2011 Osaka

Osaka is a new hibachi steak house that opened on Green Street in Coolidge Corner, in the old Kabbalah Center. They opened on October 8th, and we were there a week later. We did an “early bird” dinner, at around 5pm so we could make it t the hockey game on time. The restaurant is divided into two sections, hibachi and non hibachi (just regular tables where you order off the a la carte menu). We chose the hibachi section, which was probably a poor decision on our part, because hibachi for two just isn’t as fun as going with a group. If you’ve been to one hibachi place, you know what to expect-the flaming onion volcano, the flip the chicken into patron’s mouths trick, perhaps the egg being cracked on the spatula gag….it’s predictable to say the least. With only two, you feel obligated to laugh at all the corny jokes and overcompensate for the fact that other diners aren’t sitting at the table with you. I’m pretty sure I would have rather waited for a table and sit with strangers, than be only two at a table for 8. Because it’s so early, there are more staff than actual customers, and it’s a little uncomfortable to have people standing around watching you eat….needless to say, the service was excellent.

The decor inside is sleek and modern-and the space inside is enormous (it seats 140). So what makes this place different than any other Benihana on the block? First, they come out honking an annoying clown horn as they wheel the carts of food out. I don’t get the connection of clown horn and hibachi, so maybe someone can explain it to me. As the people next to us are having their food prepared I notice something odd on the cart…can you spot it below?

It’s hard to see but that little plastic figurine on the cart….well it looks like the Bob’s big boy mascot except this one is missing its pants. I’m sitting wondering why I am looking at a plastic derriere, and then it happens. The chef has lit the onion volcano, and to put it out, he takes the figurine, pulls down the pants (that were only on the front) and it pees liquid to put out the fire. HORRIFYING. There are 3 young children sitting at the table picture above. Meanwhile when our chef comes to the table he also has a bust figurine (as in a bust line, not a sculpture of a head) and when you pull down the bikini top, it shoots liquid to extinguish the flames. When did hibachi become x-rated? Meanwhile, while some might think it’s amusing to have sake squirted into their mouths from a ketchup bottle, I feel like those days are over for me…let’s keep that reserved for frat house basements (where it belongs), not while I’m eating dinner. My dining companion however, not so fortunate. He opens his mouth to say something and the chef already has a stream of sake headed right towards him-and you can’t close your mouth mid stream without running the risk of it dribbling down your chin like a 2 year old….that’s awkward…

In addition to our hibachi, we get the gyoza ($5.95). The wrappers are paper thin and so light-they were really delicious.

I think the part about hibachi that I love the most is the house salad with peanut dressing…except this isn’t peanut-it tastes more like thousand island. Bummer.

I order the steak and shrimp ($22.95) and there is enough food to feed and army! The food was par for the course. Nothing amazing. I think the lesson here is, only hibachi with friends, or stick with the non hibachi side of the restaurant.